working mom :: kindof

the whole idea of getting married and having kids was never my “perfect picture of happiness” growing up.. I wasn’t that girl who dreamed of a bunch of kids and making dinner each night and having primary colored huge kid stuff all over the house..

like.. not at all..

I NEVER in any of my “this is me in 10 years” thought of myself as a stay at home mom.. or hell, even a mom.. or really.. a wife..

I’d always.. always wanted to have a career.. where I was earning good money.. buying my own things.. taking little trips.. taking big trips.. visiting my brother and his kids.. my parents.. honestly, it never really even included anyone.. just me..

but.. here I sit.. at a cozy little Coffee Wine Bar and Bisto, Pozzi in Fernandina Beach.. having a bloody mary at 10 in the morning doing some work..

After my husband of 16ish years kissed me (despite me being a total bitch and throwing a mild temper tantrum last night).. After I’ve dropped my FOUR kids off at school.. and drove aimlessly toward a bit of sunshine I saw over at the beach..

my house far from perfect.. I mean.. my house is freaking PINK.. my bathrooms are in desperate need of remodeling.. as is my kitchen.. I broke down in near tears because I want to start on our pool, but we still can’t.. $$$ (temper tantrum from last night)

It’s a crazy thing isn’t it.. as we grow in our life.. how our lives change.. how we have to adapt.. to change with it.. I am no longer the mom with diaper bags and strollers.. I’m the mom making college visit appointments… and dropping her middle schooler off for events… I still picture myself the young mom..

and then Luke Perry has a freaking stroke and I realize .. SHIT…I AM that mom.. that older mom..

but.. again.. here I sit.. sipping my Bloody Mary.. working.. going to stop and take some pictures at the Beach on my way home.. for WORK.. I NEVER would have stepped out in to this photography thing if not for my husband.. EVER

Plans are great and all.. but the only things about that girl I was that I still recognize.. we both like to have an adult beverage, cuss a bit, and we feel cutest in White T-shirt and jeans..

I’m so looking forward to working again.. and.. writing and sharing and venting about my life, photography, kids, husband.. and all the beauty that surrounds me in Northeast Florida..